If Only
by esking
Summary: Perfectly harmless... may induce severe fangirl distress when you realize Kripke will never be this nice. Mainly Sabriel crack, with some Destiel thrown in. All for fun. Chapter 2: Sabriel takes on the fiercest monster they've yet encountered...the ROLLERCOASTER!
1. Chapter 1

**Crack for Ironman. **

**Owning nothing.**

**Enjoy.**

Dean, shirtless and gorgeous, yanked open the drawer of the cheap motel bureau, but yielded nothing except for a few mothballs and dryer sheets. Every single cupboard and drawer in the room stood open. Both Dean's and Sam's duffel bags lay open and gutted, spilling jeans, knives, and tubes of toothpaste over the beds.

"Sam, where's my shirt!" he called, pounding his fist on the locked bathroom door.

A second later, it opened and Sam emerged with damp hair and ragged jeans, but distinctly lacking a shirt. His beautiful, golden-tanned, rock-hard abs glistened with condensation from the shower. He scowled.

"They're all gone," he said.

"Who?"

"Our shirts!" Sam gestured around the carnage of the room. "All our shirts are gone, Dean!"

Dean looked down at his bare chest. It could have been carved by angels, and really should never have been hidden from the world by such an evil thing as a shirt in the first place, but he was _freaking cold._ He went to the closet for his jacket, but it was empty.

"Son of a bitch!"

From behind, the heard the familiar soft rustle of wings and turned around, then self-consciously crossed his arms over his chest. Castiel frowned in confusion, blue eyes roving over Dean's and Sam's fantastic abs.

"Uh…why aren't you wearing shirts?" he asked.

Dean threw up his arms exasperatedly. "They disappeared!"

Cas' eyes were still on Dean's chest. And they weren't moving. The room fell still.

"Uh, Cas?" No response. Cas' eyes were glued. Dean snapped his fingers. "_Hey._ Cas."

Cas blinked at looked back up at his face. "Right, sorry. Um…what do we do?" he asked, not sounding at all like he particularly _wanted _to remedy the situation.

"We find whoever the hell stole our clothes and beat the living crap out of them!"

"Dean," said Sam half-heartedly, "calm down."

"No!" cried Dean. "I am shirtless and it's freakin' cold! This asshole's gonna pay!"

From behind him there was the sound of soft laughter, and all three turned to see Gabriel leaning against the doorframe, unsuccessfully suppressing his giggles.

"Give us our shirts back!" said Dean angrily, striding over to him and slamming him hard against the wall.

"Hmm…" Gabriel pursed his lips and looked up at the ceiling. "Nah, I don't think I will."

"Why not?" said Sam over Dean's shoulder.

Gabriel raised his eyebrows. "Have you _seen _yourselves lately? I'm doing the sighted world a favor. You guys need to go out and flaunt it, baby."

"Enough of this crap!" said Sam, taking another step forward. "Give us our shirts back."

Gabriel wiggled his eyebrows at him, snapped his fingers, and vanished.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean shouted again.

"Does this mean I don't have to wear a shirt either?" Cas had removed his coat and tie.

"NO!" Sam and Dean cried together in horror.

Cas ripped of his shirt.

**The end.**


	2. Chapter 2

"This is a bad idea," said Sam through clenched teeth. He kept his eyes fixed on the ramp at his feet, away from the twisted metal monstrosity that towered above them.

"Don't be such a baby," said Gabriel. He tugged Sam along like an eager dog on a leash. They moved along with the herd to the metal train of roller coaster cars. Sam saw with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that the very front car was as yet unoccupied, and that Gabriel was leading him straight to it.

"You've gotta be kidding me."

"Sit," Gabriel ordered.

Sam lowered himself into the plastic seat. He had to slump down and fold his legs almost double and tilt them diagonally to fit. Gabriel watched his contortions, failing to suppress silent fits of giggles that didn't stop until the ride attendant came to lower their shoulder restraints.

Sam fell completely silent and his (_extremely attractive_) face blanched considerably.

"Relax!" cried Gabriel. "Sam Winchester, scourge of nightmares and monsters, terrified of a _carnival ride!"_

"These things are not safe," Sam said, still with his teeth clenched so tight Gabriel feared his jaw would break. As he spoke, the train clanked and started up the long first hill, and he clamped his fists around the handholds, turning his knuckles completely white.

"I hate you," Sam muttered over the deafening sounds of the motor. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you."

Laughing, Gabriel reached over and grabbed Sam's hand. Sam squeezed back so hard Gabriel felt his knuckles pop, but he made no move to free himself.

They had reached the top of the first hill. From here they could see the entirety of the amusement park, and over the highway to the Rocky Mountains.

"Holy crap."

The train eased over the crest and shot downwards. Gabriel's left ear was suddenly assaulted by perhaps the strangest noise he had ever heard. He never thought he would hear a Winchester scream like a little girl.

Sam's hand released Gabriel's, but it was only a brief respite as he discovered only a second later where it had gone. A forceful hand ran repeatedly down the left side of his face in time with Sam's screams. The train hit the first dip, and Sam's voice rose an octave in pitch, but this only made Gabriel laugh harder, resulting in one of Sam's fingers catching in his mouth. Gabriel spluttered as Sam's hand tightened around a hank of his hair.

A minute and a half of hilarious agony later, Sam and Gabriel climbed out the other side of the roller coaster, Sam with a firm clamped on Gabriel's shoulder his legs were shaking so badly.

"You…" began Sam in a trembling voice.

Gabriel raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"…_suck_."

As they emerged from the exit gate, they spotted Dean leading a similarly pale and unsteady-looking Cas away from the river log ride.


End file.
